To the childless woman on Mother’s Day: You are not alone.

To the childless woman on Mother’s Day,

Today is going to be hard. In fact, most of the week has probably been difficult for you. Mother’s Day is a time to celebrate our mothers and thank them for all they have done for us. You will see your friends, family, fellow church members being celebrated and showered with love and hand painted gifts from their little ones, and nice thoughtful gifts from their husbands. You will watch all this happen, and maybe it will even bring a smile or two to your face as you celebrate with them. But I know there will be a moment, when seemingly out of nowhere, it will hit you. Maybe it is when you go to the restroom and are finally alone for a moment, and the reality will sink in. Maybe it will be the well intentioned question or comment about your possible future as a mother or wife. Maybe it will be a hurtful complaint by a mother about motherhood. Maybe it will be during the Sunday sermon full of verses about how a fruitful womb is a blessing from the Lord, or about mother’s being the most influential person in the life of a child. And maybe it will be walking past the empty nursery this Mother’s Day morning, only to walk in, curl up in the chair and sob. Because you are not a ‘mother’ today. You are not celebrated for the one thing you have longed to be, and have tried to achieve. Because there isn’t a little voice calling you “Momma”.

But you, dear woman, you are a mother. Every woman carries within her a motherly instinct, mothering abilities, and the ability to give life–spiritually, emotionally and physically. You step in to the role of mother every time you care for a child, when you counsel a young woman in the midst of her trouble, when you encourage the people in your life to follow their dreams, and when you breathe life into their hearts. Those are all qualities of a mother. You, dear friend, are important. You are needed. You are a woman, and a mother at the core of your soul. You are loved. You are seen. You are not alone…

I am the woman a few rows down from you at church. I am the woman that will be unsuccessfully fighting back tears during the church service. I am the woman that will get up quietly and leave the sanctuary to walk down the hall to the restroom where I will lock myself in the stall and cry. I am the woman that took another pregnancy test this week, only to see a negative result. I am the woman walking by the empty nursery. I am the woman that is not yet called “Momma”. I am the woman that sees you in your pain. I am the woman that reminds herself that I too, am a mothering woman despite my circumstances. I am the woman that longs to give you a comforting and understanding hug, buy you flowers, and send you a thoughtful card. But since I cannot, I am sending you this blog. In the hope that you know and believe that you matter. And that you are not alone.